My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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