Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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