Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
That's when you crack a 10am beer
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
