When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
