I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Randomize
