I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
