new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
