she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
