I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Randomize
