Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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