As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize