At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
