i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Randomize
