the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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