I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
