You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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