Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize
