I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
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