bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
