Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Randomize
