i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize