I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Randomize
