Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
