Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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