i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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