people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
