i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
