i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Randomize
