8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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