you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize