she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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