My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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