Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
No stitches, just platelets and will power
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize