HIV tests are more positive than that guy
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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