I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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