i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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