This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize