So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I would fuck him just for his dog
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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