Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
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