summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
