She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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