Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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