i'm signing you up for texting rehab
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Randomize
