it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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