That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
You are the jesus of drinking
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
