have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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