Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Randomize
