Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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