I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
