i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Randomize
