6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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