It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
