i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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