Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
