We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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