My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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