you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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