We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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