Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
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