Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Randomize
