To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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