i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
being pregnant is like rehab
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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