so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
