My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
