so explain again why im purple
no
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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