Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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