I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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