I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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