my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
