Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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