I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
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