watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize