This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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