i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
