did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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