just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
